We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize