Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Randomize
