How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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