Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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