I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
