Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
