Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Randomize
