Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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