I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
