Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Randomize
