hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Randomize