that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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