I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Randomize
