I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Randomize
