I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
you never un-have a 4some
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Randomize
