just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
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