Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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