Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
