She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
