Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
