new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
