I bet he comes in French.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
