her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Randomize
