hi brent please bring bad word music cd must most bad word please brent bring cd music bad word please brent bring cd music bad word
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
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