i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
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