i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
