I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
