I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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