I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
