i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Randomize
