I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
