so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
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