I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
never play flip cup with pint glasses
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
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