She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Randomize
