Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
