Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
you traded sex for a burrito?
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
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