He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
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