She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
