I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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