apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
