just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Randomize
