Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
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