"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
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