You're completely useless in the revolution.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
