Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Randomize
