Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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