Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
