Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
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