she looked like the bat from fern gully.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Randomize
