I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Randomize
