? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Randomize
