Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Randomize
