Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
