Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize
