please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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