Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
