that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
