I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
