The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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