I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
i believe in u and ur pee
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
