So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Randomize
