I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
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