I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
All the doctor said was why
Randomize
