You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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