I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
