Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
