she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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