my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
