There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
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