i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
