Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
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