tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Randomize
