whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Randomize
